Things I never thought I'd say....

....and then I became a parent.

"People do not belong in dishwashers."
"Please stop banging your head in my crotch."
"It's hard to make the bed with your face in my butt."
"No girl likes a boy with snot running down his face."
"Don't bite my leg. No one likes to be bitten. Wait...I guess....well....maybe some people. Never mind."